


(it's the thoughts)

by saturnsage



Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén
Genre: M/M, Major Spoilers, Reveal Fic, hurt.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 02:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17931491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnsage/pseuds/saturnsage
Summary: here’s a truth you’ve never told anyone else: you love Ricardo so much it makes you sorry.





	(it's the thoughts)

**Author's Note:**

> i like to think i made the worst possible reveal headcanon known to man kind :^ )

rubble-breathed as you are, you still run as fast as your suit lets you. the suit that the good doctor had built you helps you with support on your right leg, so there’s no limp, no pain from sprinting as fast as you are right now.   
  
the rooftops blur past you in five minutes, three minutes, in two, all the way until they pass under your feet in the span of seconds. your heart races in your chest, and the ventilation of the suit blows full blast to keep up with your heavy breathing. your arms pump back and forth, and you’ve never moved as colossally as this.

 

running away. that’s something you’ve never been good at, but circumstances has made you better at it. 

 

there’s three helicopters hovering ahead of you as you run, illuminated by the full moon and the city lights. two of them you know are press helicopters, filming everything that goes on as it goes on. the third you haven’t had the chance to check, but you’re sure it’s nothing as neutral.   
  
you jump over another alleyway, and just as your feet hit another roof, thunder booms so loudly it shakes the buildings, making you look back and see the flash of an electrical bolt thats _too fucking close._  
  
go. go. go go _go._

 

you don’t stop running, but you still look back to the giant bolt that threatens to burst your ears with sound, and you know he’s gaining on you.  


_fuck. fuck._

  
stop. continue. keep going. he can’t catch NO ONE. you won’t let him.  
  
you leap down from a relatively small apartment complex to a power line, praying you have the balance for it, praying that it won’t shock you, and as you do, hundreds of screams erupt from under the ground. you can’t afford to look. you land.

 

your chest still screams in pain, with the aftershocks of the battle from before still ringing in every single bone that you have. ignore it.   
  
a few yards away you sees a flash of silver jumping up and down, probably using the cars from below to gain traction and speed. you hear Lady Argent whooping, and you know she’s ready to finish what they had already started.

 

don’t look. go go go. run. keep going.   
  
thousands of minds and thoughts swarm your mind, and it’s making your head clogged with the fear of a mob below as you run on the power lines, exceedingly careful not to misstep.  
  
below, you know Steel’s charging up his mods, and probably aiming right at you. he’ll hit you clean and true, and you’ll fall straight into his fists.  
  
don’t look down.  
  
stop thinking keep going

 

and above, on the higher skyscrapers, Herald’s over there, holding a gun and scanning every move you make.you were the one to teach him about long distance weaponry, after all.  
  
keep going keep going run run run  
  
you hold nothing but a lone dagger, and you know you’re gonna need to use it as soon as you can manage to find a space where all four of them would be at a disadvantage. but where? where? where can you stop?

you’ve run straight in city square, with the illuminating billboards and millions of crowds surging back and forth. here, you can do the most damage, give off the illusion of thousands of hostages you have no qualms hurting. 

 

thunder rumbles even closer, and you don’t dare look back to where Charge is clawing at the power lines to get to you. you know what he looks like. face bruised, teeth bared, snarling and so angry that if you see him,you won’t recognize him. he must be bleeding from his knuckles, and all the power that he keeps releasing is just residual energy, like he can't grab a hold of everything he's planning to use on you.  
  
this is on television, you think distantly. no one has ever seen Charge chasing someone like this, and you know no one will like how he looks like when he’s fighting in this state. you can’t let people see him fight like this.  
  
Steel, you know, is as cold as ever. He’s been ready for this since day one. he’ll be able to smooth over the ugly mess Charge will leave behind if they catch you.  
  
Lady Argent looks like she’s having the time of her life, teeth sharp as nails, laugh so clear against the screams.  
  
Herald flies high above you, and calls out your movements, trying to gain a semblance of a pattern.  
  
“YOU’RE NOT GETTING AWAY,” Charge screams, and his voice is raw and guttural and _furious_.  
  
_I shouldn’t have done this._ You think.  
  
_I didn’t have a choice._ You think.  
  
_Keep running._ You think.  
  
you hear another charge about to form and you know from experience that getting hit by one _hurts,_ so you ignore the fact Steel is below you, and jump down just as Charge throws a lightning bolt where you stood and knocks out the power line.  
  
as you fall down to the streets, the city lights flicker back and forth frantically, lighting the city up and then not, back and forth and back and forth until all the billboards are black and you can’t see what kind of person you fell on, and the rest of the people surrounding you.  
  
“Shit! Where’d he go?” Argent growls, and the silver of her skin is seen by the last remaining lights in the city square. she can see through metal, but not through the dark. “Herald! Hello?”  
  
you hear Steel swearing loudly a few yards in your left, and you use your telepathy to force the crowd into mayhem. the scattered thoughts of so many are prone to paranoia, and all you have to do is press their fears in like pressing a bruise, and they all start to blow up in everyone’s faces. screaming civilians run back and forth in the half-dark, clustering around Steel, and around Argent.  
  
you look up to where Charge stood last. He’s on his knees on top of a power line pole, rubbing his face with his hands, covering his eyes with a snarl. the storm of his mind is more frazzled than usual, and with a heart-stop you realize that the flashing lights of the city must be killing his eyes, threatening to give him a seizure.  
  
despite what happened just thirty minutes ago, fear spikes into you heart.  
  
_no time. run._  you think.

 

it doesn’t matter. get out of here get out get out get out  
  
Steel yells in frustration at the hundreds of pressing against each other, and his thoughts are painted in red.  
  
you know Herald can’t see you.

 

you clench the dagger in your fists, and you run, pushing everyone away using your mind.   
  
the last thing you hear, aside from the police sirens, the helicopter whirrs, the screams of people and broken car signals is thunder and an “ _I’M NOT LETTING YOU GET AWAY”._  
  
______________

when you reach the lab, your puppet- _Nana_ , it’sNana now, sighs when she sees you, tired from the stress. the tv is on, and the scene you left is in display, with more police tape than usual.  
  
her hair gets in her face, and she chews on it. “what did you tell him?” she asks, brows furrowed. “i’ve never seen him act out like that in any of the footage I watched.”  
  
you take off your helmet, the sweat trickling down your neck, the fresh air hitting your heated face. you close your eyes. replay the _I’M NOT LETTING YOU GET AWAY’._  
  
“i told him the truth.” you whisper. “the farm.”  
  
Nana groans, and rubs her palms on her temples. “God, tell me you didn’t. please tell me you didn’t.”  
  
“he thinks that NO ONE killed me,” you continue, heart clenching with the truth of it all. “he knows. he knows about what I am.”  
  
Nana takes the helmet from your hands. “you fucked up, boss.” she says. “are you going to go back?”

  
that question makes you sick. back to Ortega’s soft eyes and soft smile? after the look of horror he gave you whenyou told him almost _everything? y_ ou feel like throwing up.

  
you snort cruelly. “no. this time Jie-Sun’s really gone. i made sure of that.”  
  
Nana sighs, and looks up at you with sad eyes. “you’re doing this to yourself.” she says, and she walks out to give you time alone.  
_____

 

here’s a truthyou’ve never told anyone else: you’ll never know what it means to be good, to do something because for no reason, to pick something up and say “yes, ill do the right thing.”  
  
once, they cracked open your skull to make the mind reading go better, get stronger. when you cried, a doctor stared at your face and then smiled. “are you hurting?” they asked, and you didn’t know what it meant, to hurt. they said later “If you are, be as honest as possible with your reactions.”  
  
it was a permission, so the next time they touched the inside of your head with scalpels you screamed so hard your throat ripped into two. because you were hurting, whatever that meant. because later the same doctor stitched your skull together and went “excellent! we can study this reaction for ages.” and it was a permission, so every-time you were hurting, you cried.  
  
“i like it when you cry,” Ricardo said, once. you were both drunk from the aftermath of building rubble, both holding each other up by your waists and leaning so two bodies became one, dependent. “you feel so real when you do. i know how to make you feel better when you cry.”  
  
and so the next time you wanted to feel better, because you were hurting, you cried.

 

here’s a truth you’ve never told anyone else: you still don’t know exactly what hurting means. it’s probably that burning that happens when too-hot blood starts to pump. it’s probably the heavy thing in your stomach, when you climb up a skyscraper, when you see how far up it is. it’s probably that heartbeat when Chen looks atyou with the bad eyes. it’s probably all the things you want to say but doesn’t know the words to.  


_______

  
and as they stare at you, all four of them against the one of you, it makes you laugh.  
  
the laugh is hard and from the belly, but through the voice of the helmet, it sounds like a howl.  
  
“look at all of you,” you say, grinning, grimacing, angry and relieved. the end is finally here, isn’t it?  
  
“look at all of you,” you repeat. “why are you even doing this?”  
  
_______

steel punches your helmet, and it doesn’t crack. you nearly whoop with the joy of it all, the desperate way they all claw you down. you stumble; laughing, laughing. such a morbid sense of humor you’ve grown, that they gave you.  


steel is the only one who has not spoken during this entire time. you don’t have much to say, either.  
  
“i bet you knew all along,” you croon, and he slams another hand down your un-cracked head. “i bet none of this is news.”  
  
he doesn’t reply, and his mind is painted in grey.

 

_______

 

lady argent smiles wide, her sharp teeth gleaming, waiting to bite and fall and grow back again. her claws turn into daggers, and she starts to twirl around you.   
  
it’s a dance you both know well, and one you both enjoy. she’s never cared for what you are, so none of this means anything to her. nothing ever means anything to her. it’s like telling a grave to be tender.

 

dead woman, rising up from the cement sidewalk, calling herself a hero, when you know she’s anything but.she would have loved to visit the Farm, see how gross it is, see if she can feel a thing that isn’t _I need_ _more._  


maybe jie-sun mattered to her. maybe he didn’t. it doesn’t matter now, because those orange tattoos you told them about aren’t that welcoming.  
  
“baby,” she sings, “i can’t wait to see you rot!”  
  
_______

 

herald cries.  
  
you tell him everything in detail, make sure he remembers everything.  
  
he weeps as he points his gun at your torso, sobs as he unlocks the safety.  
  
_someone should have told him you’re not allowed to meet your heroes._ you think, as he shoots.  
  
the bullet bounces off.

 

 ~~("well, it's the thought that counts")~~  
  
__  
  
he stabs your thigh with the knife, and the voice of the helmet doesn’t catch your gasp.  
  
“shut up,” he whispers, digging it in deeper. “i’m giving you one more chance to shut the fuck up.”  
  
if it wasn’t for the helmet, you would have pulled him down and kissed him. instead you laugh again.  
  
“he never told you the truth about what he was,” and your voice is right to his ear, tangling into his hair; just like a lover, just like a lover- “so why do you even care?”  
  
the electrical shock lasts only a few seconds, but it feels like all the years you’ve spent in the farm. it’s relief. it’s hell. those are two of the same things. you can’t scream, and you can’t cry, because Jie-Sun Park did that, and he’s dead.  
  
__

here’s a truth you’ve never told anyone else: you love Ricardo so much it makes you sorry.


End file.
